As part of the nation’s underemployed, I have a great deal of time to consider a great deal of things while waiting for my hair to dry. I could use a hair dryer and only think about the shape my hair will eventually take, but I prefer to be surprised and spend my time thinking about such things as:

1. How does Slacker radio know that I’m not doing anything? I mean, I’m not, but how does it know?

2. Can I buy a Meat is Murder shirt at the mall? I mean, not just do they sell a shirt that will simultaneously declare my affection for Moz and the gang and my disaffection for eating steak, but is there something philosophically wrong with purchasing it at one of our nation’s breeding grounds for Tweener fashion and smells? Or is that exactly the right place for it?

3. Did they ever release Sweating to the Oldies on DVD? And can I buy it for less than five dollars?

4. What kind of girl could Paul McCartney and Michael Jackson have been fighting over in The Girl is Mine? Honestly, WHAT could both men have been attracted to in a single human being?

Are any of these important questions? Absolutely not. Would the answers explain to me why Mitt Romney is distancing himself from his own healthcare plan that seems to have worked? No. I don’t think I ever will understand that one. But here they are. Written out for you because I haven’t written a blog post in over a month and lord knows our reader is probably pretty upset by that.