STFU Katy Perry!

(In response to Lady Gaga's video for 'Alejandro') "Using blasphemy as entertainment is as cheap as a comedian telling a fart joke."

I am sick of this bitch.  I’m not even going to try to be funny, PC, or nice about this – she is unoriginal, untalented, and ugly inside and out.  You want to talk about cheap?  Let’s talking about cheap.  CHEAP is when you’ve failed, miserably, as a Christian recording artist so you decide “Hm, what minority community can I offend the most but gain most attention with by the frat majority by using them?  OMG – I KISS GIRLS AT BARS!  I’M SO CRAZY!”  You need to go away Katy Perry.  Go away with your fiance (that you’re more than fucking lucky you have) and stop producing less-than-shit-psuedo-edgy-pop/rock for your various less-than-average-intelligence fan base.  Miss Perry, you are the fart joke…and as a musician, you embarrass me.  Go back to church, Mary.

PS:  Really?  YOU are going to slam GAGA?  She has more talent in her proverbial lady-dick than you do in your entire awkward body that Zooey Deschanel pulls of MUCH better (whom is also much more talented than you, as well).  BOOM!



STFU Miley!

"I think we're both deeper than normal people--what they think and how they feel. He's very grateful for what he has, but he doesn't let it go to his head. I'm like that too...He's a really freaking good actor is what he is. And he's cute--so he's got that."

The only thing deeper than your relationship is Heidi Montag’s Frankenstein face – i.e. it is not.  It is gross and fake.  As real as it is to you, as accepted as it is to society – fact is, it is not.  You made it up.  It’s science, folks.  Miley Cyrus, a 17 year old spawn of Billy Ray (and an inexplicable teen-phenom to boot) is incapable of a life-altering and world-changing love affair.

STFU Taylor Momsen!

"I smoke, so what? Why do people give a shit what a 16-year-old girl who they've never met does? It's not like I'm sitting there going, 'Kids, you should go buy a pack of cigarettes.' When I walk outside with a cigarette and someone takes a picture of it and puts it on the Internet, it's not my problem. I'm just living my life and I'm not gonna live my life for other people."

PZ: Fuck she’s cool.  Interesting and cool.  Edgy as shit, too.  She’s so edgy my retinas were sliced looking upon her awesome edginess.  Edge.  Trend.  Trendz.  She’s not a role-model, big whoop!  She’s too cool for school, man.  She’s freakin’ original and gorgeous.  Also, punk rock.  So punk rock, she vomits Jack Daniels.  She’s into the new trend known as “Trashwhore Chic”  fronted by ’94 Courtney Love and sported by her’s truely, Ke$ha, and all the little spoiled Hollywood bitchmongers who are just ever so cool for drinking hard liquor and beer while “not caring what anyone else thinks” by showing off their nasty “Just-Got-Fucked-Doggy-Style” hair and “Alcoholic-Basketcase Mother” eyeliner.  Oh hey – PS:  FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUU.

STFU Kate Gosselin!

"I have eight kids, and I'm a mom and I have a very full schedule anyway," she said today on "Good Morning America," appearing with professional partner Tony Dovolani. "Obviously, the kids come first. It's going to be hard. I'm determined to do it." -

PZ: The best way to put her kids first is to join another fuckin’ television show where she’ll be taken away from the litter for another 80 hours a week for training and shooting, on top of the estimated 2 hours a day it takes to maintain that fucksuck mess on top of her head.

EG: I believe “that fucksuck mess on top of her head” that you’re referring to is my childhood guinea pig, Ickus. My mom told me she gave him a proper burial when he died,  but clearly Kate Gosselin is out to ruin everyone’s childhood, not just her own children’s. You gotta give her credit, that’s a pretty ambitious goal.