Trespass

Here’s what can be said about the movie Trespass:

  • The lighting was sufficient. Everyone could be seen with minimal eye strain to the viewer.
  • Nicole Kidman sure was in it. She was in it the whole movie…not to spoil anything.
  • You knew what was happening the whole movie because they filmed it. There were no unfilmed parts of this movie, which is good in a movie.
  • The actors memorized all their lines, and seemed to know what was going on most of the time.
  • The movie had a futuristic element to it: Nicole Kidman’s face seemed to be reverse aging throughout it.
  • Nicolas Cage is in it. Sometimes he yells, and sometimes he talks quietly. These are all his moods, so you get to see that in one place.
  • When characters were emoting, I could tell. The acting was present. They didn’t forget it at home. But maybe it went stale or they borrowed their roommates acting or something.
  • You never get lost in the plot because pretty much only one thing happens.

So, there you have it. A movie was made.

(with PZ)

 

Tangled

Ok, so I just watched that Disney movie Tangled, and here’s the thing they never explained:

Where did she get the social skills to charm absolutely everyone she meets when she’s never met anyone but her crazy “mother” before? Social skills don’t just grow on trees, and even if they did, she wouldn’t be able to pick them BECAUSE SHE NEVER LEAVES HER HOUSE.

Examples of other people who rarely left their homes:

  • Howard Hughes
  • Michael Jackson
  • Literal trolls who live under bridges
  • Phil Spector
So…I guess that’s my whole point in a nutshell. Pardon the pun.

Reason I Would Be A Terrible Woman #1: Tact

“Excuse me, my ladymouth is gushing. I’ll be right back to take your order after I clog it.” – PZ as a waitreYuss @ Applebee’s

“Your boyfriend’s got a disgusting Chester ‘stache. You must have daddy issues. Oh wait…I do too.”

“Come in here and look at these logs I just made. Lincoln would shit a house.”

“You what? You love me? Fag.”

Neglect

Dear sweet blog-baby,

You have done NOTHING wrong. It’s not you, it’s us. We’ve been too busy to fill you with goodness and cynicism. I promise to feed you very soon.

Love, Us

Musings

As part of the nation’s underemployed, I have a great deal of time to consider a great deal of things while waiting for my hair to dry. I could use a hair dryer and only think about the shape my hair will eventually take, but I prefer to be surprised and spend my time thinking about such things as:

1. How does Slacker radio know that I’m not doing anything? I mean, I’m not, but how does it know?

2. Can I buy a Meat is Murder shirt at the mall? I mean, not just do they sell a shirt that will simultaneously declare my affection for Moz and the gang and my disaffection for eating steak, but is there something philosophically wrong with purchasing it at one of our nation’s breeding grounds for Tweener fashion and smells? Or is that exactly the right place for it?

3. Did they ever release Sweating to the Oldies on DVD? And can I buy it for less than five dollars?

4. What kind of girl could Paul McCartney and Michael Jackson have been fighting over in The Girl is Mine? Honestly, WHAT could both men have been attracted to in a single human being?

Are any of these important questions? Absolutely not. Would the answers explain to me why Mitt Romney is distancing himself from his own healthcare plan that seems to have worked? No. I don’t think I ever will understand that one. But here they are. Written out for you because I haven’t written a blog post in over a month and lord knows our reader is probably pretty upset by that.

Where fore art thou, True Blood?

Remember Eric Northman's horrible hair in season one? REMEMBER IT FOREVER!

Fine. FINE. The recent brash of vampire cinema and television is enough to make even the most die-hard undead fanatic sick, mostly due to the wildly unpopular Twilight¬†franchise and their near-psychotic fanbase of “Twihards”. Wow. Little do these Hot Topic spazzes know that a much better written, much more ORIGINAL, better acted, and better created exists with a book series that predates their little Mormon suckfest. “The Sookie Stackhouse Series” or “The Southern Vampire Series” complete with *GASP* sex scenes and pre-marital sex (it’s illegal to marry a vampire…because they’re fucking dead, perverts).

If you’ve seen the show, you know what I’m talking about. Hot fairies, vampires, werewolves, shapeshifters, witches, serial killers…love it. Love it all. Love it on toast. Love it in a tree. Hot fantasy things in hot fantasy-like scenarios including missing persons, “vampire rights”, religious discrimination, and of course, love triangles/hexagons.

Where oh where has my show been and when will it return to me?! Their current fanpage is under construction…I guess ondemand and DVDs will have to suffice until season 4!

http://trueblood.org/

Joan Cusack

No. No possible way.

This is completely unacceptable, Joan Cusack. I know Working Girl is from the 80s but good god woman. Show some restraint.